Wheel of Torture!
by Froststar423
Summary: Hosted by Heathertail, this shows the- er, "epic struggle" of the chosen ones. This basically means: we strap on some cats to a wheel, spin 'em around, then... badabing badaboom, TORTURE! T just to be safe. No bad words.
1. ThunderClan Forgets Social rules

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I am not Erin Hunter, nor will I most likely ever will be. In full actuallity, Erin Hunter is Erin Hunter. If I haven't said Erin Hunter enough, I shall say it one more time. ERIN HUNTER. You see? I can count, no matter what mother says! MUHAHAHAHA!!!!! I am not crazy, by the way. I am just normal-challenged. So there. Ha. Ha. Hey, what does disclaimer mean? Oh well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ha. Ha. Hehe. Ho. Ahhh, awkward...**

Heathertail: Hello, everybody, I'm Heathertail, and here's the game; Wheel. Of. TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Uh.... Let's start with a random member of the audience. Please step up and I will explain all the rules.

Clan cats: (WindClan, ShadowClan, and RiverClan step backwards, leaving only ThunderClan, because they where to stupid to move)

Heathertail: Wow. That. Was. Dumb. Okaaaaay, so, I guess Firestar is up first.

Firestar: (speaks rapidly) OhmyStarClanIamontelivision!!!!!!!! HiMomandDad!!!!!!! Smudgeareyououtthere? Rockontothekittypets!!!!!

Heathertail: Um. Firestar? Did you have caffine?

Firestar: (in the same tone) Uh-huhuh-huhuh-huh!!!!!!! Isn'titgreat? Tigerstargaveittomeinadream!!!!!!!!!!! Monstersrock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts foaming at the mouth a little)

Heathertail: Okaaaaaaaay...... I changed my mind. Brambleclaw, you're up!

Brambleclaw: (solemly walks up, pushing past everyone so he can smile at the camera) I floss every single day, I am not related to any kittypets, and I like looong walks on the lakeshore. (lifts and eyebrow up and down suggestively)

Squirrelflight: *AHEM*

Heathertail: I may have just picked the wrong Clan....... Oh well, let's get started. Brambleclaw, if you could just step up onto this table and let me strap you onto it. Yes, thank you, that fits nicely.

Brambleclaw: (moaning in pain) No it doesn't! These are kit cuffs!!!!!!!!!!!!! (continues yowling for his mommy)

Heathertail: Oops, did I forget to mention that? (grins evilly) Oh well. Now I will just spin you really quickly and we will see what you land on! Okay, where is my lovely assistant to spin this?

Lionblaze: Right here. (appears out from behind the table)

Heathertail: YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???!!!!

Lionblaze: Well, your lovely assistant couldn't make it, so I volunteered. (smiles lovingly)

Heathertail: SECURITY!

Breezepelt: You call?

Heathertail: After he spins the wheel, lock him up! I will personally claw his eyes out when this is over.

Lionblaze: (spins wheel, then marches out of the room, probably to get some flowers)

All Cats: Round and round and round he goes, where he stops, nobody knows!

Heathertail: Peering over the side. Wow, he is strong. That won't be done spinning for a while. Oh well, lets take a commercial break.

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Stoneteller: Tired of having to catch prey on the ground? Tired of all those long names your leader gives you? Tired of doing all the different chores, instead of getting good at one thing? Well come on down, to the Tribe of Falling Water! 223 Big Waterfall Drive.

Talon: (really, really fast) Restrictions may apply to prophetic warriors and when big scary sharpteeth come, you must fight.

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Heathertail: Aaaaand we're back to Wheel of Torture! When you left, Brambleclaw was still spinning. He has finally ended on (peers over edge of table) OH MY STARCLAN, YOU WILL LAUGH YOUR KITTY PANTS OFF! Brambleclaw has landed on "tear out your fur, and say to your true love you are dumping her for... (smuggles laughter) BLACKSTAR! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brambleclaw: (horror painted all over his face) um..... she'll understand, I think, won't she?

Heathertail: Ah-ah-aaah. You must not tell her that this is part of the torture.

Brambleclaw: Okay....... (starts crying a little, but then straitens up, and walks over to Squirrelflight) Hey, you. Thats right, you mousebrain.

Squirrelflight: Brambleclaw, what is wrong?

Brambleclaw: There's nothing wrong but your _brain _to think I love you! Blackstar is the one meant for me!

Squirrelflight: Really? Cool. Thornclaw, I'm coming, baby!

Heathertail: You guys are both _really _harsh!

Brambleclaw: (sobbing) WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Blackstar: You really mean it? YAY!!!! (faints)

Heathertail: Ummm, okay, I am going to pretend I haven't heard anything that just went on… I guess that is all for now! See you next time on, Wheel, of, Torture!!!!!!!!!!

**Please r&r this. It's my first one and I would like to see how I did. Thanks! And remember, you can send in your votes for who we choose, and ideas for torture! I'll be back... Mwahahahahaha! (Yes, mother, I remember that I shoudn't laugh like a maniac in front of company......)**


	2. Lionblaze Crossdresses

Heathertail: Aaaand- we're back! Some random voice in my head just told me to say: **thank you guys for your awesome reviews! Some of them will need to be put into later chapters, but I love them! Thanks for the support! **Well, that was weird. Oh well! Back to the show. As most of you know, this is… WHEEL. OF. TORTURE!!! Yes, thank you, thank you. (takes multiple bows) Now, who wants to take a spa day at La Youfellforit? Anyone?

Ashfur: OOOOHHHH!!!! I do!!!! (jumps up and down)

Heathertail: Well, step right up, and lay down on this teleporter that looks an awful lot like my torture wheel… (points at torture wheel)

Ashfur: Okie dokie Artichokie… ( gets up onto the wheel and straps himself in)

Heathertail: Oh lovely assistant? Where art thou lovely assistant?

Willowshine: I'm right here! (takes a step forward, but a mysterious paw drags her back behind stage)

Heathertail: Ummmm. Is she okay?

Lionblaze: (wearing Willowshine's dress and talking in a high squeaky voice) I'm right heeeere! (wobbles as tries to step forward in high heels)

Heathertail: Yeah right. Who are you supposed to be?

Lionblaze: (in the same high voice) Willowshine of course. Don't you recognize me?

Heathertail: (slaps paw to forehead) Just spin the wheel.

Lionblaze: Oh goo- (suddenly remembers to have a high voice) er- I have a frog in my throat… Oh goody!

Heathertail: Ugh, let's just take a commercial break…

Ashfur: Hey wait! What about my all expenses paid trip?

Leafpool: Ever wanted to find a mate that wouldn't backstab you for some horrid cat in a different clan?

Crowfeather: Do I have to do this?

Leafpool: (jabs him in the ribs then whispers) Yes, if you want to see Nightcloud again. (louder) Sorry, I didn't hear what you said, Crowfeather.

Crowfeather: (stuttering) uh uh uh…. Of course!

Leafpool: Well, that is a clear sign that you need to come to… THE MOONPOOL! Yes, the Moonpool. I just love it there. I can easily meet up with any lover, and find new ones! And, when your all done, they do birthday parties for mysteriously born kits!

Crowfeather: (quickly) some restrictions may apply to medicine cats and bloodthirsty warriors from prophecies.

Heathertail: Hey, where back! And, we found the_ real _Willowshine. C'mon down!

Willowshine: (Gingerly steps down) Thank you, Heathertail. It appears that Ashfur has landed on… (checks wheel) Oh! (tries to stifle laughter) Ha-ha, he has to… BURN JAYFEATHER'S STICK! And, Jayfeather _may not _know that this is a torture! **Thank you Laterose13 for sending this in. **Ugh! Why are there voices in my head?! (starts to hit self in head)

Heathertail: Ummmm. That was… weird… Oh well. Time to see what happens. Have fun!

Ashfur: (starts to cry a little) Really?

All Cats: (starts to laugh hysterically)

Heathertail: To be continued…. HaHaHa!


	3. Jayfeather Shows Fighting Skill

Heathertail: And, we're back! ER- wait, is the camera on? (cocks head and then straightens up after a quick thumbs up from camera man Crowfeather) Yes, hmf, welcome back to Wheel of Torture! Now, when we last left off, Ashfur had been assigned one of the worst tortures imaginable! He must burn Jayfeather's stick! (tries to stifle laughter) Jayfeather must not know that this is a torture! C'mon out Willowshine!

Willowshine: (walks in ever so elegantly) Yes, I have the stick. I snipped it from the blind beggar while he was sleeping! Knock yourself out, Ashfur. (throws stick to him)

Ashfur: (tries to catch it, but stick lands on his head, literally knocking him out)

Heathertail: Nice catch, Ashfur… Okay, I guess now is as good a time as any for our commercial break. **Thank you for the reviews! I will try to use as many as possible during the next episode! Including one for Barkface! **… The heck? Why does that keep happening to me?! Grr… let's just get on with the show… (grumbles audibly)

**Hey everyone. Thank you for being patient on this. I would love some good reviews, torture ideas, and even flames! I am loving the feedback so far! Well, keep 'em coming! Don't forget, I have another story called Warriors Love To IM. It's a lot of fun! I am enjoying it.**

Heathertail: Aaaand, we're back! And the little weirdo- eh, err… what I meant to say was, 'our wonderful friend Ashfur'- is awake, so we can get on with the torture! (hands Ashfur a match and flint)

Ashfur: (gulps and starts to light his fire) D-d-d-dooo I _have_ to do this?

Heathertail: If you want to get paid, yes!

Ashfur: I get paid?! (starts to look a little more cheerful)

Heathertail: No, but it sure would be a nice thought, huh, Ashfur? Just burn the stick already!

Ashfur: (starts to grumble about if his Granny was there, she would give them all a what's what)

Ashfur's Granny: I am in the crowd, Ashy! I don't give a (censored) about you! (starts to cackle evilly)

Ashfur: (breaks down in tears and throws the stick in the bonfire) WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Heathertail: He'll get over it. Oh well, looks like… Oh, there you are Jayfeather!

Jayfeather: My stick censes are tingling… MY STIIIICK!!! ASHFUR! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!

Heathertail: He he… (starts to smile cruelly)

*the rest has been censored for blood, gore, and hilarity way too awesome for most audiences*

Heathertail: Well, thanks to everyone who was watching! We've got something special planned for next time!


	4. Heathertail Proposes and Ice Murders

Heathertail: And we're back to Wheel of Torture! When we last left off, Ashfur had died. Jayfeather has purchased a new stick at Mal-Wart, and all is well in the universe.

Random Clan Cat: She didn't show us Ashfur's death!

Another Clan Cat: Yeah, and we didn't get to see what Jayfeather did!

More Cats Together: *start to groop together* Yeah! *shouting now* We didn't get to see anything! Get her! *start to advance on Heathertail*

Heathertail: Now, wait, you guys... We have young viewers! *start to back up toward the wheel*

Willowshine: Umm, guys, take it easy! *backs up with Heathertail*

Angry Mob: *forces them onto wheel and spins it*

Heathertail: AAAAHHHH!!!!!! *screams, but only in rage*

Willowshine: Argh! Lemmegooooooooo!

Lionblaze and Breezepelt: Chhhaaaaaaaaaarrgggeeeeeeee! *rush in at the mob*

Heathertail: Uh oh... We've stopped... What did we land on?

Willowshine: *looks down* Ummm, Ack! We landed on... *passes out*

Lionblaze and Breezepelt: *realize that they are outnumbered and surrender*

Mob: Fulfill what they have landed on! Fulfill! Fulfill! Pack Pack Kill Ki- wait, that's not our lines... Oh well. Let's do it! *rush at the two, grab them, and whisper things into Heathertail's ear while giving smelling salts to Willowshine.

Heathertail: Finds Blackstar in crowd. *sighs and crouches low* Will you be my mate?

Blackstar: Why, Heathertail, I don't know what to say! Uh, yes, I will! *nodds head vigourisly*

Heathertail: *gags* Oh... Good. *throws up* Sorry, just nerves...

Willowshine: Hmm... wha? Egad! Never!!!!!

Mob: *prods at Willowshine with claws*

Willowshine: Fine! No need for that! *growls under breath* Rasum-frasum-fiddle-fasum... *finds Barkface in crowd* Barkface, will you be my mate? *grrr*

Barkface: Dora! Boots! Come on Dora!

D D D Dora (Alright!)  
D D D Dora (giggle)  
D D D Dora  
D D D Dora (Let's Go)  
Dora Dora Dora the Explorer  
DORA  
Boots is super cool  
Explore with Dora (We need your help)  
Grab your backpack  
Lets Go!  
Jump In!  
Vamonos!  
You can lead the Way  
HEY! HEY!  
D D D Dora!

Willowshine: *murmurs under breath* He's finally lost it... I knew he was getting old, but...

Barkface: Backpack

Backpack

Backpack

Backpack

I'm the Backpack

Loaded up with things and nick nacs too

Anything that you might need I got inside for you.

Backpack

Backpack

Backpack

Backpack

Willowshine: This is unbearable!

Ice the Arctic Fox: *bounds out of nowhere* I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! *rips out Barkface's teeth, then his head*

Heathertail: Well, always end on a high note I guess. The mob has subsided, and Yay! I am NOT with Blackstar. See you next time on, WHEEL. OF. TORTURE!


	5. Lionblaze Has a BIG Problem

Heathertail: Hello, everyone! Last time on the show, we had a torture where somecat actually died. That will probably not happen again.

Lionblaze: HEATHERTAIL!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Heathertail: Perhaps I spoke too soon… Maybe… Lionblaze, would you like to do something very important for me? *grins evilly*

Lionblaze: Of course, my love… What? *stares lovingly into her eyes*

Heathertail: Well, I was just wondering about if these cuffs where tight enough on the wheel… *bats eyelashes wildly*

Lionblaze: *looks at her stupidly*

Heathertail: *restrains herself from saying anything really mean* Could you try them out?

Lionblaze: Oh, of course! *jumps onto the wheel and straps self in quite tightly*

Heathertail: *runs over to Willowshine and whispers something into her ear*

Willowshine: *runs over to the wheel and spins it*

Lionblaze: *pukes*

Heathertail: *falls over laughing*

All Clans: *laughs*

Heathertail: And- haha- now it's- hehe- time for a- HAHAHa- Commercial break! *breaks into another fit of laughter*

Jayfeather: *holds up his new stick* Look, a stick!

Heathertail: You're not the scheduled commercial!

Jayfeather: Has anyone ever burned _your _stick?

Heathertail: *snaps fingers in front of Jayfeather* Hello?

Jayfeather: Try the new- and improved- _fire proof stick!_

Heathertail: Okay, that's it. *jumps on Jayfeather hissing and screeching*

Heathertail: *licking the last bit of ruffled fur down* Hem, hem. Yes, we're back. And now let's see what Lionblaze landed on… *busts out laughing again* He landed on… HE MUST CHALLENGE A PACK OF DOGS TO POKER!! *continues laughing*

Willowshine: What's so funny about that?

Heathertail: Because, Lionblaze is GREAT at poker! *laughs even harder*

Willowshine: But doesn't that mean that he'll just win? *looks quite confused*

Heathertail: Exactly. And a huge pack of dogs might get just a _wee _bit angry with him… *continues to laugh her brains out*

Lionblaze: Did she just… COMPLIMENT ME!? *starts to whoop and almost peed himself with excitement*

Heathertail: *smacks her forehead* We'll be back with the results next time on- WHEEL. OF. TORTURE!


	6. Dogs Playing Poker

Heathertail: Last time on Wheel of Torture, somecat very close to me… Not! It's just that weird yellow blob that follows me around.

Lionblaze: It's true.

Heathertail: So, let's get down **Hey everyone. Sorry about the delay in giving you this story. Just so you know, this one is going to be a bit different. It is a bit of a crossover, but not too bad. **to business. Oh, not again. *sighs* This is officially weird.

Giant letter: *falls from sky and lands on top of Lionblaze*

Heathertail: Oh, I think that one is for me. *picks it up*

Lionblaze: *one arm has come off* Ouch! Paper cut!!!!!!!

Heathertail: I hate to do this, but we need you alive for the next torture. *presses button and Lionblaze is healed*

Lionblaze: Uh, was that supposed to happen? *Arm is on backwards*

Heathertail: *laughs* No, but it _is _a nice touch. Now, to get on with the torture. Lionblaze must challenge a pack of dogs to poker. *opens envelope* Oh, and it seems he can also pick a cat to go with him! Congrats, Lionblaze!

Lionblaze: *thinks hard for a minute (if that is possible)* Raise your paw if you're dumb and/or stupid! *raises own paw, hitting self in face*

Ashfur: *raises all four paws, and then falls out of the viewing area* Ow.

Lionblaze: I will take him!

Heathertail: Then it's settled!

Ice: Ever had a really annoying song stuck in your head? *shows clip from a few episodes back when Barkface was singing*

Heathertail: Ice, whatever you're doing, stop.

Ice: Yeah, I have, too. Well, come on down to… RANDOM SOMEWHAT ABBEY-LIKE AREA WITH SUSPICIOUSLY RED WALLS THAT I INVADED WITH PLUGG FIRETAIL AND THAT FUZZY WHITE THING OVER THERE!

Fuzzy White Thing: I vam no fuzzy whit ting! I vam Preenciss Ku- *is interrupted*

Heathertail: Who's Plugg Firetail?

Ice: *laughs evilly* My partner in crime and/or eating doughnuts!

Heathertail: Okay… Well, please join us next time to see what Ashfur and Lionblaze do next!


	7. Ding!

Ice: Good evening, everybody! I am the new Host!

Heathertail: _Co-_Host.

Ice: Right, whatever. I am the new _co-_host. Therefore, it shall be even more torturous to all who dare to stand in my way!!! MWAHAHAHAH-

Heathertail: Ice! Focus. Get on with showing everybody what happens.

Ice: Okay… *looks dejected*

Heathertail: *hands Ice a lollipop*

Ice: Yay! *licks it* On with the torture. *presses a button on a remote she had underneath her grey fendora and a screen comes out of a tree*

Screen: *shows Lionblaze and Ashfur walking up to a house's doggy door*

Lionblaze: *knocks on doggy door, and, of course, because doggy doors are flexible, falls right into the house along with Ashfur*

*two huge dogs walk in and growl menacingly at the pair*

First dog: What you want, foo'?! Me Bruce, this Dingo! You in our crib!

Dingo: 'Sup.

Lionblaze: We've come to play poker!

Ashfur: *pees self* Oopsie.

Bruce: *lights a cigarette* This way, yo'. Oh, and, get yo' friend a dipie or somethin'.

Lionblaze: Good idea. Here ya' go! *hands Ashfur a _Depends_ from inside a kitty pocket* You can have one of mine.

Dingo: *walks into a small crowded room with lots of dogs and cigarette smoke, and indicates for them to follow*

Ashfur: *looks at Lionblaze and whispers* I'm scared.

Lionblaze: Don't worry, you will always know if you pee yourself, the diaper goes "ding" when you pee in it.

Ashfur: That's not what I meant-

Lionblaze: Sh, the game is starting!

*all play poker and Lionblaze wins*

Bruce: You husslin' us? Yo' neveh said you could do no pokeh! *cracks doggy knuckles, and takes a step at the two cats* C'mon, boys, let's show dese freaks wha' dogs do when dey is angry!

_Ding!_

**(The rest has been censored for gore, violence, gore, blood, and gore. Did I mention the gore?)**

Bluestar: Ever felt like you were going crazy with anxiety? 'Cause I certainly have, trust me. Well, no more! The new and patented security system I created with the help of Goosefeather **(he is from Bluestar's Prophecy, so don't worry if you're not sure who he is)**! I call it, BUBBLE WRAP!

*a bunch of cats come out wearing bubble wrap so much they can barely walk*

Bluestar: Watch! *pummels one of the cat's bellies* See? Not a scratch!

Goosefeather: *quickly* 'tactualyworkthankyou.

Ice: *wearing all black* Well, that was fun! Some of you may be wondering why I am wearing all black. Well, it's because I have two funerals to attend. *looks up with mock sincerity* Lionblaze and Ashfur, bless them… Not!

Heathertail: I've barely gotten any lines in here. I'm the host! You only get a few lines next time. Hmf.

Ice: Well, join us next time, on… WHEEL. OF. TORTURE!!!!!!


	8. Ice Faces a Lawsuit

Ice: Guess what? I was looking at some of the reviews, and they are painfully hilarious! And I really do mean _pain_fully. Hehehehe… No wheel, this time, I'm devoting the next few chapters purely to the reviews! This one is for Barkface, from Mist In Morning Sky! I think I'm in love… with this torture! Barkface! Oh yeah, I killed him… *smiles while reminiscing* That was fun. Oh well! *pulls out remote again and clicks a button*

*a cat suddenly falls from the sky and falls in the water*

Barkface: I'm alive! *gets to shore* LifeLifeLifeLifeLife!!! *jumps up and down and runs up the hill… and sees Ice* Oh no…. *tries to get away* I'm dead. DeadDeadDeadDeadDead….

Ice: *catches him* Well, Heathertail is sick with whitecough, so I can do whatever I want to you… But, that spot is reserved. We have something to do… *cackles evilly*

Barkface: *whimpers*

Ice: *snaps fingers and Plugg Firetail comes out with a huge bucket of water* Get in, Barkface.

Barkface: B-b-b-ut… I can't swim after just being in the lake!

Ice: You where in the lake? *mock sincerity* Oh, poor Barky, you probably need a bath! *throws him in*

Barkface: Why must the good die young?!

Ice: I have no idea, but you're not good, nor young! So, I guess we don't have a problem. *snickers*

Barkface: *near death* I'll… call… my… lawyer! …

Ice: *turns pale (if that's possible for an arctic fox)* Oh no! *hurries him out of water*

*it starts to rain and thunder and lightning*

Ice: *sits Barkface down in a large metal chair outside of the rain* You should be okay there…

*lightning suddenly strikes Barkface, sending him straight into a cannon*

Barkface: I'm calling my lawyer right now!!!

Kurda: Look! I vound a metch! I zhall burn yoo all!*trips and match falls onto cannon fuse* Oops…

*Barkface is launched into the fire the lightning caused*

Ice: *hand face* Maybe his lawyer isn't watching right now… Someone get a medicine cat!

Jayfeather: *runs up and carts Barkface away*

Ice: Well, that's all for today! Sorry, no commercial today. G'bye, folks!


	9. Challenge

**That was the very last one for this season. If I get 10 reviews telling me to keep going, I'll make another season. But only with all 10. Sorry guys, it just doesn't seem like your liking it anymore. =/**

**Froststar423**


	10. Thanks, everyone!

Ice: Well, everybody, I'm happy to announce that, with all the reviews, (a few were said in person) there _will _be another season!

Clans: *cheer*

Ice: Thanks to everyone who has contributed their great ideas. The season will be here around the end of January, beginning of February. Can't wait to see your great ideas, fans, so please remember to hit the little green magic button at the bottom of the page! See it? Cause, if you don't review, I will hunt you down…

Heathertail: *ahem* You don't _have _to review, but I think what Ice is _trying _to say *cuts a glare at Ice* is that we really would appreciate it. Bye!


	11. Mystery Cat

**A/N: Hey you guys. I am sooo sorry! I have been a total space cadet lately and I just wanted everyone to know that I still love you. I was just busy. Yeah... So, uh, my bad. I WILL do better. Alright! On with the story!!!!**

Ice: Hey everyone! After my apparent "hibernation," we're back with Season Two of Wheel of Torture! Now, to the show.

Plugg: *comes out and hands a letter to Ice*

Ice: Thank you, Plugg. Oh, by the way everyone, Plugg and I are officially together… *giggles* Oh, and if you make fun of us… *giggles again* I'm allowed to rip your head off! *squeals in delight and wields dreadful poison daggers* Teehee! Now, for that letter. *rips it open* Um… this says that we have a weird request… But it doesn't say exactly what for. Just that I need to ask a… Spottedflames? Do we have a Spottedflames here?

Spottedflames: *steps forward* That would be me.

Ice: Who was this torture for?

Spottedflames: *whispers something into Ice's ear*

Ice: *grins* Hehe, this will be fun…

Random Elephant: Uh, hi. I am *thunder clashes* RANDOM ELEPHANT!!!

I am here to warn you… THE END IS HERE!!!!!!

Ice: Um, who are you?

Random Elephant: Were you not listening? I am… *thunder clashes* RANDOM ELEPHANT!!!

Ice: Well yeah, I heard that, but why are you here?

Random Elephant: To warn you tha-

Ice: No! I mean, who let you in?

Random Elephant: Dementio.

Ice: Who?

Random Elephant: Who_m_. With an "m." You said "who."

Ice: *facepaw* Security!

Cluny the most awesomest Scourge: Yeah. Need me to take out the trash?

Random Elephant: Pff. You are just a rat. You can't lift me.

Cluny the most awesomest Scourge: Oh yeah? Well my girlfriend is the author of this story, and I can do whatever I want. So there. *picks up Random Elephant with one finger* See ya. *flicks him like a booger away from the set*

Ice: *backs away slowly*

Ice: Aaaand we're back!!! *motions with tail to a box with a question mark on it* This is a mystery cat box. We have the mystery cat in here. A mask will be inserted onto his/her face. You won't know who it is. Well, Spottedflames knows who it is, but that's it! Ready?

Mystery Cat: *stumbles out of box with mouth duct taped*

Ice: Yeah, well, we couldn't have anyone knowing who you were, now could we? Cluny? Do the honors?

Cluny the most awesomest Scourge: Hehe, I would loooove to. *spins wheel with all his might*

Mystery Cat: *swings around until finally coming to a stop on…*

Ice: Sugar rush? That isn't so bad…

Spottedflames: *whispers into Ice's ear again*

Ice: Ohhh. Okay people/cats/ROUS (rodents of unusual size), we've got a twist. Sugar (on this cat) works like beer on a normal twoleg. This'll be fun. *shoves sugar down cat's throat*

Mysterycat: *rips mask off and duct tape* SUGAR!!!!

All Clans: *gasp* Purdy the loner/member of ThunderClan!!!!

Purdy: Y'ALL 'UN BETTEH GET MEH SUM MORE SUGA'!!!!!!

Ice: Maybe this wasn't the best idea…

Purdy: *goes crazy, attacking kits, Ashfur, and then dancing the Macarena*

Ice: Okay, no attacking kits on this show… *walks over to Purdy, about to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, when he bites her tail* YOOOOOWWW!!!!!! OH NO YOU DI'NT!!!!! CLUUNNNY!!!! TAKE CARE OF THIS CAT!!!! VIOLENTLY!!!!!!!

Cluny: My pleasure. *cracks knuckles*

------censored------

Cluny: That was fun.

Purdy: ….. (sorry, dead cats can't talk)

Ice: Thanks, and I hope everyone was satisfied! Don't forget the votes for the next song!!!

**Okay, thanks everyone. That was fun. First show of this season. Make sure you click that pretty green button right down there… Oh by the by, we may just make a thing out of the mystery box. Vote which cat you want into that box! Your vote is my command! Here are today's choices: **

**Thistleclaw **

**Blackstar**

**Lionblaze back from the dead**

**Ashfur back from the dead**

**Random Elephant**

**Thanks guys! I love you all! *throws kisses into the crowd***


	12. Somebody New

**A/N: Sorry everybody about the weird characters that have been popping up. Basically, Plugg, Cluny, and Kurda are all from the series Redwall, and Ice is a Redwall AE of my best friend, Icefox425. Uhhhm, let's see… I think that's it. Oh yeah, and just so you know, I AM NOT ERIN HUNTER AND/OR BRIAN JACQUES!!! (I was really close, too, but the science police took away THAT machine…)**

Ice: Hello, and welcome, to WHEEL! OF! TORUUUREEE!!!!!!!! Today we have another dare for a mystery cat! Let's see who it is!!! Hmmm… *motions for Plugg to open a door in the Mystery Box*

Plugg: *opens a door in the Mystery Box*

Mystery Cat: *stumbles out, strait on to the wheel*

Ice: *rolls eyes* Well, with that stupidity, we don't have to guess. Lionblaze, take off the stupid mask, you have given yourself away.

Lionblaze: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *takes off mask* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ice: OmSC, you idiot.

Lionblaze: Am I _that _stupid?

Ice: Yes.

Lionblaze: Oh.

Ice: Plugg, be a doll and let in our co-hostess, please.

Plugg: *opens another door*

**Mystery White Cat: Hey, all. I am Cluny's girlfriend, Froststar.**

Lionblaze: Why is your speech all in bold?

**Froststar: None of your beeswax.**

Lionblaze: I luuuuuv beeswax.

**Froststar: Ewwww!**

Ice: Awkwaaard.

**Froststar: Cluny, could you please spin the wheel?**

Cluny: Seriously, how are you doing that?

**Froststar: Come here. *whispers in Cluny's ear***

**Cluny: OOOhhhh! I get it. How is this?**

**Froststar: Peeerfect.**

Lionblaze: Pllleeaaase?!

**Cluny: Nunca!**

**Froststar: Really, Cluny? Please do NOT go all Spanish on me.**

**Cluny: Sorry. **

**Froststar: It's okay.**

Lionblaze: I don't know what is going on, but I most certainly do NOT want to be anywhere near this wheel!!!!!!

**Cluny: Oh, well, in that case… *straps Lionblaze in tighter***

Lionblaze: *passes out*

**Ice: Wow, that's the most quiet we've had in years!**

**Cluny: I know, right? *spins wheel***

All Clans: Round and round and round he goes! Where he stops, nobody knows!!!

**This is less of a commercial, than an author's note. Well, I just wanted to let everyone know about my best friend's story, called A Good Thistleclaw. It's about what would have happened if Thistleclaw had been a good guy. She pretty much has to rewrite the entire book. You'll see. Guaranteed coolness. **

**Ice: Aaaand we're back! **

Lionblaze: *wakes up and moans*

**Froststar: Care to do the honors, Cluny?**

**Cluny: I'd be glad to, Frosty. *peers over the wheel edge* Ohhhh! Hahahahahahhahahahaha!!!!!!!!! He landed on- oh ho ho ho hahahahahaha! Sing Caramelldancen with the music on high in front of a sleeping T-Rex.**

Lionblaze: Well, if it's asleep, I guess I have nothing to worry about!

**Froststar: Keep tellin' yourself that, Lenny.**

Lionblaze: It's LIONBLAZE! Not Lenny, LIONBLAZE!!!

**Froststar: Sorry Lenny.**

Lenny: LIONBLAZE!!!! LIONBLAZE!!!!! LION!!!!! BLAZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *continues yelling and screaming*

**Ice: Someone get some duct tape on that pie-hole.**

**Cluny: Gladly. *puts duct tape over his mouth* There we go! Muuuuuch better. **

Lenny: MMMMHHPPPPPPHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Froststar: We'll see what happens next time, on… WHEEL! OF! TORTUREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	13. The End of a Bad Kitty

Ice: Hey everyone, and Happy Saint Patty's Day! Here on Wheel of Torture, we take holidays _very _seriously. That is why I dressed like this. *is wearing green fedora, green tunic, green pants, painted green shamrocks onto cheeks, and highlighted hair with green* Everybody should be wearing some green today! If not… the consequences are dire… *makes pinching movements with fingers* Now, if everyone could just step through this green-dar… *has those airport things that check for metal* Thank you, right this way now…

Clan Cats: *all wearing green step through the green-dar and nothing happens*

Ice: Thank you, you may go now.

Clan Cats: *take their seats*

Lionblaze: *wakes up, still strapped to the wheel, and moans*

Ice: OmSC!!!! He isn't wearing any green!!! GET HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clan Cats: *mob Lionblaze with pinches*

Lionblaze: *almost dies but just barely doesn't*

Ice: Haha, and you still have to CaramelDance in front of a sleeping T-Rex! Ohhh don't think I was going to let you off the hook after a minor pinching, did you?!

Lionblaze: *whimpers* Minor? *is totally black and blue*

Ice: *chuckles again* Oh yes. Minor after what's about to happen to you, I mean. Hehe… Here is your dance partner! *presses a button on remote and a tree is lifted up to make room for a giant cage, holding the biggest, ugliest, meanest T-Rex since Jurassic Park II* Meet Daisy. Um, we forgot to feed her, so… BEST OF LUCK!! *pushes Lionblaze into the cage*

Lionblaze: *starts the dance*

Daisy: *wakes up and roars at Lionblaze, covering him with spittle*

Lionblaze: Aw c'mon!!! That was a new fur coat!!! Ugh, this'll never come out…

Daisy: *starts to----

-------------------------------------------censored------------------------------------------------------------

*one of those commercials for the army comes on, but it is made totally of pixies, elves, dwarves, and gnomes*

Holly Short: *at the end of commercial says in deep voice* Be strong. LEP strong.

**(A/N: Sorry guys. Guess I couldn't keep Artemis Fowl outta this one. I mean, the dude is Irish, so, what they hey, right?)**

Ice: *presses another button on her remote and all the pieces of Lionblaze disappear* Well, I "hate" to say it, but Lionblaze is officially dead. No more dares can go for him anymore. Sorry! I mean, I loved to torture him just as much as you, but hey, everything good comes to an end sometime, right? Yeah… Oh well, I'm sure we can have fun with everybody else. Bring it on!!!

**(A/N: Sorry this was such a short chapter. Geez, is it just me, or does every A/N have the word "sorry" in it? But so yeah. Sorry guys! Longer next time! I promise.)**


	14. So Many Cats So Little Time!

Ice: Welcome to Wheel of Torture- Summer Edition! Sorry that our little show has taken so long but we were so focused on messing up the Twoleg "finals," as they are called, we couldn't get to this new show! But now that we are all here… Let's see. I guess we can get that wheel spinning. Any volunteers?

Clan cats: *all step back and look around*

Ice: No? Well then, I guess I'll just respond to every torture that has been sent in!

Clan cats: *lot's of nervous gulping*

Firestar: Would it be kinder to do it in separate shows?

Ice: Yes, yes it would.

Firestar: … So, will you?

Ice: No. On with the show!

Ice: Um, let's see… First on the list: Hawkfrost, come on up!

Hawkfrost: *gulp* … I am not Hawkfrost!

Ice: … Yeah, you are, actually.

Hawkfrost: *puts on totally fake British accent* I am Sir Poppynewken of the Champshire-

Ice: THAT ISN'T EVEN A PLACE YOU DUM DUM! AUGH! SECURITY!

Cluny: Right here.

Ice: GET THAT CAAAAAT!

Cluny: Which one?

Ice: Hawkfrost!

Cluny to Hawkfrost: Excuse me, Sir Poppynewken of the Champshire? Have you seen-?

Ice: I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS! SOMEONE JUST GET HIM!

Dovepaw: *leaps from the sky in a rush* AH HAH! DIE YOU FILTHY-

And the commercial break.

**A/N: I am sooo sorry you guys! Like Ice mentioned, Finals. I hate them. Don't we all remember when the last few days of school were parties? Oh well. I am thinking of making Wheel of Torture a Facebook page. Would anyone join?**

*Hawkfrost is securely tied to the wheel while Ice pins an award onto Dovepaw*

Ice: I am promoting you to leader of ThunderClan!

*from the back*: But I'm leader!

Ice: Shut your trap, Firestar! You are being demoted, to Firebutt!

Sandstorm: No way am I staying with _him!_

Ice: But we need you two together for the next scene!

Sandstorm: NO WAY! YOU CAN USE TIGERSTAR IF YOU HAVE TO!

Ice: FINE!

Firebutt: *whimpers audibly*

Ice: From now on, Dovepaw, you shall be known as Dovestar/my security team.

Dovestar: Thank you.

Ice: Now, for some wheel spinning! I think that I should let the person who thought of it to spin. Laterose13?

Laterose13: Coming! *spins the wheel*

Ice: Very good. Thanks. You may go now.

Laterose13: Can I pleeaaseeee watch?

Ice: *sigh* Fine… Let's see, what did he land on? *peeks over* Hahahahahaha! You have to wake up a roaring mad dinosaur named "Grumpy!"

Hawkfrost: *whimpers* But I am not Hawkfrost…

Ice: Seriously, how dumb do you think I am? Now, step right into this cage, and here are some pans to bang together… There. All suited up and ready for action. Go on, go wake Grumpy… *snickers*

Hawkfrost: NOOOO! I WILL NOT! *throws down pans making a terrible racket* NEVER!

Grumpy: *of course, wakes up* ROOOOAAAAAARRR!

Ice: Okay, enough of that dare. Let's just say we will never see Hawkfrost again. *snickers*

Hawkfrost: *walks up licking ice cream*

Ice: B-b-but… I just saw you die…

Hawkfrost: What? *peers into cage* ZOMG IS THAT SIR POPPYNEWKEN OF THE CHAMPSHIRE? WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO TO HIM?

Ice:*to the heavens* … C'MON, REALLY?

Ice: Now, for our next torture. This is for… two cats. Omg, they're just kits! Oh well, I guess none can be exempt from these things… Bumblekit and Briarkit, please step forward.

*both come leaping on stage*

Ice: Now, we won't strap you to the wheel, we will just give you the torture right here, 'kay? All you have to do, is trash Firebutt's den, can you do that?

Both: YES MA'AM!

Ice: Glad we understand each other. Now run along.

Both: *run to Firebutt's den (formerly with Sandstorm, now with Tigerstar)*

Bumblekit: Umm… are toms _allowed_ to do that with other toms…?

Briarkit: Is it a catpile? Should we help?

Ice: ZOMG! KITS- COME BACK!

Both: What is it?

Ice: Did you see anything in there?

Briarkit: Well yeah. They were playing Twister, I think.

Ice: *leans down and whispers something in the kits' ears*

Both: *eyes go really wide with horror*

Ice: And that is enough with that dare! On to the next one… Let's see… It is for Jayfeather!

Jayfeather: *walks strait _into_ the stage* Ow. *gets on top of the stage* That's better.

Ice: Now just come sit on this wheel, there, like that… yes… Good boy. Now, just like last time, here comes our cat to spin the wheel… Spottedflames, please spin.

Spottedflames: Okay! *spins wheel*

Ice: Thank you! Now let's see… Oh lol! Jayfeather, you have to tell Sol he is gay!

Jayfeather: I thought Sol was a girl… I guess it all makes sense now!

Sol: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

Jayfeather: Oh yes I did!

Both: *whip out pixie stick lightsabers* DUUUUEEEELLLL!

*in the end, they both die by each other's blows*

Ice: And now, the next torture. Hawkfrost, seeing as we killed the wrong cat last time, you can have a second chance.

Hawkfrost: Noooo!

Ice: On to the wheel you go.

Hawkfrost: *firmly strapped in*

Ice: Now, could… Laterose13? This one is also from you?

Laterose13: I get bored.

Ice: *rolls eyes* Just spin the stupid wheel.

Laterose13: *spins the stupid wheel*

Ice: It landed on… "Spend a day with Hollyleaf ranting about the warrior code!"

Hawkfrost: *moans*

Ice: *unhooks Hawkfrost* Go find her!

Hawkfrost: Oh, I'll find something!

Ice: ?

Hawkfrost: *finds deathberries and eats them up*

Ice: More cats go suicidal that way… Oh well!

Ice: The next torture is for… LIONBLAZE! Wait, didn't he die?

Lionblaze: Yep. I'm like barf, you push me down, I just keep coming back up!

Ice: OH SICK! EWWW! Just get on the flippin' wheel!

Lionblaze: 'K.

CoolAwesomeRandomGirl123: Here!

Ice: … That is quite the name you've got there. Mind if we just call you "Cool?"

Cool: Not at all. *spins the wheel*

Ice: Gracias. Now let us see here… Okay, you have to guzzle a love potion!

Lionblaze: That isn't so bad.

Ice: Yeah, yeah it is.

Lionblaze: Lay it on me.

Ice: Fine. *shoves foul tasting potion down Lionblaze's throat* There.

Lionblaze: *gags the peers about, looking straight into Hazletail's eyes* Oh, what a beautiful cat…

Berrynose: Whatchu say to meh sisteh?

Lionblaze: Isn't she lovely…?

Berrynose: *screeches* I'M GUNNA KEEL YOU!

Ice: And the next one is for-

Sol: Me!

Ice: One: How did you know? Two: Aren't you dead?

Sol: I am a prophetic cat, which is my answer to both questions.

Ice: Not very good answers… But fine- get on the wheel! Yes, thank you. Now, we will have the torture creator come up… and… Laterose13? AGAIN? You come up so much, I'm just calling you Rose from now on.

Rose: Fine by me. *spins wheel* Okay, it says-

Ice: HEY! THAT IS MY JOB!

Rose: Sorry… geez….

Ice: Well, it landed on… LOL! Okay, so do you guys remember the dog pack that killed Lionblaze and Ashfur? Well, Sol has to go re-challenge them, and insult them along the way!

Sol: I knew that, because I am prophetic.

Ice: Put a sock in it.

Sol: What is a sock?

Ice: You should know: you're prophetic.

Sol: Hmf. I guess I deserved that.

Ice: Why yes, yes you did. Off you go.

Sol: Okay. *walks into the dog place coolly and challenges- and I quote- "you stinking flea-bitten savages of the Twoleg home" to a game of poker and wins, then getting totally mauled and-*

Ice: Okay! This one is for… Nightcloud!

Nightcloud: *whimpers*

Ice: Oh, and viewers, just so you know, this is our last dare. Please step right up here, thank you.

Autumnleaf: Thank you- I can handle it from here ! *spins wheel*

Ice: Okay, Oh God, you will hate this… *laughs loudly and evilly for quite some time* Okay, sorry folks, just had do that. Nightcloud, you have to get locked into a room with Leafpool.

Nightcloud: That isn't a torture! I can just tear her to shreds and live a happy life!

Ice: Whatever you say.

Nightcloud: *walks into the Leafpool Room, sees Leafpool, and jumps onto her yowling*

*_BUZZ*_

Nightcloud: YOOOOOOOWW! She is electrically charged!

Ice: No she isn't.

Nightcloud: Oh. *jumps onto Leafpool again*

*_BUUUUUZZ*_

Ice: You get the picture. Well, that wraps up today's…

WHEEL

OF

TOOOORRRTTTUUUURE!


	15. Thanks, guys

Hi, everyone. I just want you all to know that I will be ending the story. I've had so much feedback, thank you! I have had a wonderful experience writing for you guys! So just thank you, for being awesome.

Keep on keeping on!

Froststar423 3


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